No, you’re not going backwards in your mental health journey, you’re just stressed!
It’s a very common experience. You thought you got over it (whatever it may be in your context) but suddenly find yourself back in the same feeling, the same mental place you used to be in. You beat yourself up about it, you might feel like you’re a failure. Has all this work been for nothing? It must have been if you’re back feeling like you used to, right? Right? There are a few things to say about this.
First, let’s talk about what “getting over it” means.
Is there even such a thing as “getting over” something?
Everything that happens in your life, especially the very emotionally intense experiences, will unavoidably become part of your new self. This is a very normal part of life and happens to everyone without discrimination. I know it’s counterintuitive but try to embrace all things that happen to you in life, even the unpleasant experiences. The easiest way to do that is by acknowledging that life consists of good and bad, and there is no one without the other. It is a very painful, frightening, unpleasant experience to be human, but it’s also very joyous, ecstatic, blissful.
How beautiful is it that we get to experience the full range of emotions?
Secondly, no you’re not going backwards.
Yes, you might experience the same emotional reaction again that you did “back then”, but whether you’re feeling a certain emotion or not is not the parameter of how much you’ve grown or how mentally stable you are. You will probably always have to deal with that one thing you’re struggling with especially if there’s triggers involved. So, it’s never about avoiding those feelings, it’s about how to deal with themwhen they do come up.
Yes, the feeling might remind you of your past, but reflect about your progress in other aspects: How consumed do you feel by it now compared to in the past? Does it make you freeze or act irrationally? Or are you able to sit with it and reflect on it in a calm and collected way? Do you choose to be compassionate with yourself in moments of agony?
The way you decide to handle your difficult emotions is how we measure progress.
Do you struggle with difficult emotions and are unsure how to handle them? Seeing a psychologist might help!
Lastly, let’s talk about the neurological connection between stress and emotions.
Next time you feel like you have an emotional “overreaction” to an experience, reflect about your current stress levels. Have you been getting enough sleep? Is there an ongoing conflict in your life? Have you been feeling depressed?
Remember, everything that feels unpleasant is stress for your body. Short moments of stress are completely normal, and even healthy for you. They are nothing to worry about. But as soon as there is something in your life that causes you to have ongoing negative feelings, it’s considered chronic stress, which is the type of stress that can have long-lasting effects and affect other areas of your life and mental health.
When you are stressed, especially for longer periods of time, your Amygdala gets activated. The amygdala is the area in your brain that is responsible for fear and stress. It’s supposed to protect you from dangers. Unfortunately, an activated amygdala will take control because its survival instincts are so strong. This means your prefrontal cortex, which is your rational part of your brain – the part that takes control under most circumstances, will be inhibited. So, you will have trouble stepping away and looking at situations more rationally and collectedly. A stressed brain is a brain that is being controlled by the amygdala. A brain that is being controlled by the amygdala is a brain that is overreactive and anxious, which will lead to experiences such as low self-esteem, insecurities, jealousy, fears, anger etc. Emotional experiences you thought you would have “gotten over”.
To put it briefly: No, you’re not going backwards in your mental health journey, you’re just stressed! You might have trouble accessing the tools and skills you have learned because the rational part of your brain is being inhibited by the fearful part.
The best thing to do when old patterns come back up is to destress.
The best thing to do when old patterns come back up is to destress. And as we have established before, stress can be found in a lot of things. So the key is for you to find your stressors and learn how to regulate your nervous system. Maybe this means thinning out your schedule, integrating more positive experiences into your life, or saying goodbye to an unhealthy relationship.
I guarantee you once you do that, you will feel like your “normal” current self again.
If you’re having trouble pinpointing your areas of stress or you need help coming up with strategies, maybe Online Counseling could be helpful for you!
You can learn more about my work as a psychologist here and book a free 20-minute introductory call with me here . I’m looking forward to meeting you!
